Page 18 - Discover Fall 2020
P. 18
Dial Tone
By Kate Hofstetter
Has anyone else noticed that solicitation “Yes” (I have 12 grown grandsons)
calls had dropped off dramatically during the
“Do you know who this is?”
Covid-19 lock-down? It certainly appears
that our health officials and the media have “Wilbur?” (I don’t have a grandson
over-looked that side-effect of the virus. named Wilbur) “I didn’t recognize your voice.
Or, maybe I was cleaning a closet, or store- How are you?”
hopping looking for toilet paper when robo-
“I’m not very good. I’m in the hospital,
calls were covered in our daily briefings.
Grandma. My nose is broken. That’s why I
It seems to me that sound different.”
some businesses out
“Oh dear! That’s dreadful
there missed the boat!
news! Did the broken nose also
Here we all were, stuck
cause you to develop that Latino
at home in front of our
accent?”
TVs, waiting for stimulus
checks to arrive. We were Click! Dial-tone.
like a huge flock of sitting
ducks: Scared out of our That’s right. This guy,
wits about something we with an accent thicker than
can’t see or hear and no one CenturyLink’s customer service
understands, lapping up as much information crew in the Philippines, was brazen enough to
as the CDC, Dr. Fauci, and Governor think I that would believe he is my grandson,
Cuomo could dish out. I can’t think of a who is a 15th generation American. He
better time to sell extended car warranties might as well have tried to pass himself off as
or bacteria producing chemicals for septic Morgan Freeman.
systems.
I told one other caller that he needed to
Well, I did get a couple of calls that hire someone who can speak English without
Caller ID couldn’t identify during the lock- an accent, and to get more creative, as we are
down. They were from con artists – no, not all wise to the trite tricks of crooks like him.
politicians, but a different sort of con artists I also told him that I am a witch, and was
– these were men who pretended to be my putting a curse on him that would cause his
grandson(s), hoping to separate me from some hair to fall out and his teeth to rot over the
fast cash. The call went something like this: next 20 years.
“Hello.” I’ve learned that once these crooks
are forced to go off-script, it can become
“Grandma?” (adult male voice) quite entertaining. It’s great fun to string
16 Discover Smith Mountain Lake FALL 2020
