Page 41 - Discover Summer 2021

Tech Support

By Tim Ernandes

I have followed several different career paths torture the next person in the queue.
in my lifetime. One in which I seem to excel is also
• “Robo-Voice” is someone who is hired as a voice
one which has caused me great frustration.
talent to read a script, which takes the caller through
For several years, I operated a computer sales, several levels of the phone tree. This person, who
service, and repair business here at the lake. My likely has no computer training whatsoever, cheerfully
written and spoken communication skills being what leads you through several inanely simple steps to try
they are, I became a preferred source of telephone to resolve your issue. Unless you have never ever had
tech support for many of the locals. to call tech support, these are things that you have
already tried several times, with no success. Robo-
For starters, I speak English, and I do so with
Voice will drag you through this process at least one
some clarity and without a foreign accent (unless you
more time, but his/her ultimate job is to either get rid
count the New York influence). I am well-versed in
of you, or hand you over to Skippy. This often ends
my subject matter, and I have an unusual amount of
with a suggestion that you consult the website for
patience, which nonetheless has its limits.
further assistance, with a computer that either does
not work or has lost its internet connection.
Tech support people come in different
varieties. Some are just call center employees, who
• “Half-Able-Computer-Knowledge”, or “HACK” for
read canned responses out of a manual. Others are
short, is one level above Skippy. If you demonstrate
people with good memories, whose experience with a
the endurance to stay on the line with Skippy longer
given problem offers tested solutions. Still others are
than most, he will transfer you to a HACK. HACK
actual technicians, who have good troubleshooting
knows just enough to ask you to try things that he
skills. Not all of them have good communication
knows will not solve your problem, again, in the hope
skills.
that you will hang up. HACK is also trained in the
delicate art of deflecting responsibility for your issue
Permit me to cite some examples:
away from the company he represents.
• “Skippy” (who may have any “Leave it to Beaver”
• The Boss is the one person who actually knows
type name or nickname, such as “Ricky” or “Butch”)
anything. He/she has enough knowledge to deal with
is normally employed in a call center somewhere in
your issue, and is authorized to tell you that he/she
Southeast Asia, complete with thick accent. One of
has concluded that you need to start a “ticket”, and
the reasons for the standard “unusually long wait” in
asks for your credit card number. To be clear, “deal
the phone queue is that Skippy will spend more time
with your issue” is not entirely the same as “solve your
falling all over himself apologizing and assuring you
problem”.
of courteous service than in actually addressing your
issue. Skippy’s main function is to get you to hang
Naturally, people enjoyed the availability of a
up the phone in frustration, thus freeing him up to

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