I didn’t get enough.
To be clear, no amount would have been
enough. I love building things, creating
things, and repairing things that seem
hopelessly broken. I have more tools
than the average guy, and never miss an
opportunity to increase my arsenal. I’ll
gladly push it all aside any time just to
play with a baby. I have experienced no
greater joy, no more powerful magic than
the sparkle in a little one’s eyes, or the
sound of baby laughter.
Now that my “baby” is 15 years old,
I find myself wistfully musing about her
toddler years, and wishing I could have
it all back again. I do likewise with my
two older children. It was marvelous to
watch them all grow up and embrace
their destinies… but I must confess that I
miss those babies terribly. Perhaps that’s
why so many of us long for the blessings
of grandparenthood.
The thing about babies is that they are
straight shooters. They are delightfully
honest. They have no hidden agenda.
They have no inhibitions to cast aside.
When a baby passes gas, nobody gets
embarrassed. Everyone just laughs, with
the baby taking the lead. When there is
a cookie on the table, the baby reaches
for it. There’s no feigned restraint, no
pretense of decorum. You both know the
cookie is there, and the baby wants it. So
he takes it.
Another benefit of associating with
babies is that they don’t know all of your
tricks and jokes. Babies don’t roll their
eyes when you tell them, “I got your
nose!” The first thing they do is check to
verify. Then they laugh.
With babies, everything is possible.
For instance, they will believe that they
can disappear simply by covering their
own eyes. Wait for them to do so, and
then duck out of sight. They will believe
that they have made you disappear, and
squeal with laughter when you pop up
unexpectedly somewhere else. When my
youngest was about a year and a half old,
we used to play a game in the car. We
would turn on the dome light, and she
would “blow” it out as if it were a candle.
Anyone who thinks that babies have
no attention span has obviously never
read to a child. My kids never enjoyed
bedtime, but the consolation prize was
a story read from a favorite book. I love
an appreciative audience, and so I gave
each character a voice (sometimes it was
an impression of said character from a
cartoon or Disney film). I learned this
from my Mom, who used to read “big”
books to us, a chapter at a time, and did
her best to give a different voice to each
speaking part.
I’ll never forget the look of
astonishment on my Dad’s face the first
time my then two-year old son climbed up
into his lap with a book in his little hands.
Dad had always worked long hours when
my brothers and I were little, and this
had always been Mom’s bailiwick. He
looked at me as if to say, “What do I do
now?” So I told him to read the book to
him. They are quite easy to please. All
you have to do is make them the center
of your universe, even if only for a few
minutes at a time.
Babies can also be an important part of
a comprehensive weight loss program.
I say this because all of my three little
ones took an immediate interest in
anything that I happened to be eating.
I can still picture their gaping little
maws, reminiscent of hungry baby birds
competing for their mother’s attention.
God spaced my children out quite a bit,
and very evenly. It seemed as though I
never made it through a single container
of yogurt unassisted, over roughly a 17-
year span.
A word of warning: This can backfire
on you, big time. It’s easy to fall into the
trap of opening two containers, and find
yourself eating two thirds of both. Worse,
as they get older, you find yourself
finishing whatever they left on their
plates, not wanting to waste good food.
But I digress.
Babies are also labor-saving creatures,
especially when they become toddlers.
To the inexperienced parent, this is far
from obvious. The clueless first-time
parent wastes countless hours following
the toddler around, picking up after it,
until he or she collapses in a chair, and
the toddler carries on with boundless
enthusiasm. It takes some longer than
others to realize that tidiness is at best
temporary. Anything that is picked up
will soon be expeditiously returned to the
floor. The experienced parent soon learns
that to a toddler, a messy house is the
natural order of things, and eventually
refrains from the futile task of attempting
to tidy up until the child is well into its
thirties. This saves untold amounts of
time that can be used for other tasks, but
instead often leads to extensive napping.
The best part about being around
babies is that to them, everything is
new and exciting. If you wonder about
the existence of God, spend some time
with a baby. The Earth is about 4.5
billion years old, but to a baby, it’s all
brand new. Ordinary things become new
discoveries when you choose to explore
the world through the eyes of a 6-month
old Christopher Columbus. It’s a wholly
different way to “stop and smell the
roses”.
I especially like newborns, because
they have that “new baby smell”. There’s
none other quite like it. It’s kind of like
when you buy a new car. The smells are
very different from each other, but each
has a very special pleasing aroma that
fades away after both are “broken in”.
They don’t start to smell good again until
sometime in their early twenties, and
even then only with proper upbringing.
So forget those stuffy meetings with
irritable business associates, take a baby
to lunch today. You’ll have a great time,
and with any luck, you’ll get to finish his
dessert.
Editor’s Note
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