Beating the Dickens
Out of Death
By Tim Ernandes
Something inside his head just
went “pop”. That was it. The long-
awaited cause of Drew Brock’s death
had been revealed. His mother,
Ginny Brock, felt some measure
of relief to hear it… and according
to her, she had heard it from Drew
himself.
This and many other similar
encounters inspired Ginny to write a
book: By Morning’s Light, the True
Story of a Mother’s Reconnection
with Her Son in the Hereafter.
There is no easy, simple,
or “official” explanation for
the cause of Drew’s demise.
Medical science’s best offering
is that it was a series of small
strokes, which managed to
cause just the right amount
of damage to just the right
part of his brain. At 26, Drew
was young, strong, active, and
healthy. It made no sense to
Ginny, or to anyone else. The
relief came from knowing
that it was not the result of
poor choices, or risky or bad
behavior.
Nonetheless, it was the
realization of a parent’s worst
nightmare. Ginny had only
recently lost her husband,
Walt, and now, quite unexpectedly,
she was wrestling with the loss of
her youngest child. She had become
a member of what she (and others,
including myself ) calls “The Club
That Nobody Wants to Belong To”.
As a member of the club, as well
as someone who is well acquainted
with the author, I was especially
drawn to this book. At the risk of
sounding like a book review, I was
impressed with it on many levels.
Ginny has an amazing capacity
to capture thoughts, feelings,
and events in clear, concise prose.
Whereas Charles Dickens would
never use two words when a dozen
would do as well, Ginny manages to
say a great deal with a few simple,
well-chosen words. Her style is
elegant in its simplicity.
Her story would stand alone
quite nicely as an autobiographical
description of what it is like to
be a “member”. It seems that we
all share a great deal in common.
Unfortunately,
nothing
can
prepare anyone for it. We all have
preconceived notions of what it must
be like and how we will react, but the
truth is that it’s not something that
is easily imagined. On one level, the
book deals with that commonality
of experience.
“
I hear from people, who say,
‘
You put into words exactly what I
was feeling and what I was thinking,
and didn’t know how to say it’,” she
remarks. Ginny explains that the
feelings and emotions that come
into play are often quite different
from what we might expect. “You
don’t get any of that until you have
walked this way.”
In the book, she recounts her
experiences meeting others in our
community who have suffered the
loss of a child. For most, there is
a familiar pattern. At first, there
is a sense of utter despair. She
remembers thinking, “Take this
away. I don’t want it. I don’t need it.
I want to die… and you do.”
Eventually, she observes, for
most of us, an inner strength
takes hold. “You dig out, or
you stay there… and you die.”
People often ask how a
“
member” is able to function
from day to day, and deal
with the loss.To put it simply,
we weren’t given much of
a choice. In her book, she
addresses this question after
losing her husband, Walt:
“
Every morning is a chance
to live. We seize the chance
because the alternative is to
die… and it’s not time for
that.”
We “members” eventually
reach a certain level of
awareness. Ginny sums it up
beautifully. “It would have been
easier to die than to stay. That’s
the way I felt. It would have been
easier… but then you think: you
know, my family is so hurt already.
They cannot sustain another loss…
and in the final analysis, I know
that’s why I stayed.”
Of course, it is not quite all so
simple. One learns that there is
a distinction between pain and
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