Yes, this is the Spring Issue of
Discover. Although we are all more than
ready to welcome the warm weather, at
this time, just prior to going to press, the
Great Snow Debate is still quite relevant.
At the risk of being out of step with
the season, I’d like to offer my thoughts.
I am one of many northern
transplants who initially scoffed at the
seeming over-reaction of folks in these
parts at the sign of so much as a single
snowflake. Many of us snickered at the
thought of closing schools just because
of abnormally low temperatures in the
forecast. Then came the obligatory boasts
of our driving prowess under extreme
wintry conditions.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I have
grown.
I have long been critical of folks
who choose to relocate in a southerly
direction, and then essay to enforce
their northern standards upon their
new neighbors. Bless their hearts. Never
mind that they moved here because they
seemed to prefer the quality of life. Never
mind that northerners don’t necessarily
know nearly as much about the South as
they believe that they do.
I’m seriously considering changing
the automated attendant in my phone
system to append the initial greeting with
“to continue this call from a northern
point of view, Press 2… otherwise,
stay on the line and you will be treated
politely.”
I hope that I haven’t offended my
fellow transplants more than just a bit.
A central theme of the Great Snow
Debate pokes fun at the mad rush to the
supermarket at the first hint of snowfall.
In no time at all, the shelves at Kroger
are picked clean of bread, milk, and eggs.
My wife, Jo-Ann, likes to observe that it
is generally believed to be impossible to
survive a blizzard absent an ample supply
of French toast. Amusing though it may
be, this is not unique to the South. The
same thing happens on Long Island.
Yankees love to brag about their
winter driving skills. Oh, to be a fly on the
wall anywhere up north and bear witness
to the laments about most people’s
lack of such ability. But let’s be fair:
One becomes accustomed to prevailing
conditions, and behaves accordingly…
Yankees being the notable exception.
One major difference between the
Blue Ridge and Long Island is the
topography. It’s hard to imagine finding
a place like Windy Gap anywhere in my
old, ultra-flat stomping grounds. Thus it
does not necessarily occur to the average
Yank that an icymountain road is no place
for a bus load of our precious youngsters.
Nor do they consider the relative merit
of making huge investments in snow
removal equipment for the occasional
snowfall. They just move here for the
lower taxes.
I often think of the clichéd rants of
old men, who used to scold our alleged
lack of toughness by regaling us with
tales of walking 20 miles to school in a
blizzard… uphill… both ways. We could
expect such a lecture on any given day
when schools were closed at 6 AM due to
blizzard conditions… and before noon
our mothers would be chauffeuring us
right past the school to spend the day
with friends.
Still, we did handle snowstorms a bit
more ably up there. It stands to reason,
since it snows more, and more often up
there than it does down here. However, it
is not fair to compare the two worlds on
equal terms. For one thing, most Long
Island school children have a relatively
brief bus ride to school, whereas the
relative sparseness of the local population
necessitates much greater travel distances
for a lot of folks.
My high school was around 5 miles
from my house. I just now checked the
calendar, and realized that I might be
lumped into the “old man” category, and
for several years now, at least according to
AARP. So I feel justified in reporting that
one winter morning, my brother and I
trekked to school on foot, uphill, in a
blizzard, after our bus failed to show up.
We arrived to find that school was indeed
in session. As I recall, attendance was
rather light. Later that same morning,
we were dismissed early, and were thus
deprived of the satisfaction of walking
home, also uphill, in the continued
blizzard conditions.
I lost my fascination for snow at a
fairly early age, mostly because I don’t
like the cold weather, and the associated
shorter periods of daylight. It really hit
home when I began commuting on a
daily basis. I’m actually very good at
driving in the snow.
(We now pause to give you an
opportunity to roll your eyes. Snort
derisively, if you must.)
Part of being skilled at winter driving
is developing a good understanding of
the risks involved. Few experiences will
galvanize you in quite the same way as
losing control of a speeding vehicle whilst
traveling upon black ice. This eventually
leads one to conclude that the best way
to deal with icy, snowy roads is to stay off
of them. People in the South already had
that figured out.
As a recovering Yankee, I have learned
to appreciate the local culture and
lifestyle. It’s to the point where it feels
perfectly natural for me to use “Y’all”
in a sentence. “Lord, have mercy” has
replaced “fuhgeddaboutit” in my daily
speech... and it feels so much better to
say “Bless your heart” than any of the
alternatives.
I hate snow. I find it hard to believe
that any sane adult would want it to
snow. Yet, some do… bless their hearts. I
can’t abide such thinking… must be the
Yankee in me.
Editor’s Note
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Discover Smith Mountain Lake
Spring 2014
7
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