Editor’s Note
I recently attended the funeral of
an elderly woman who had been a
member of our church congregation.
She had regularly attended services
with her family up until the last
couple of months, when her health
began to fail.
At other funerals, we had become
accustomed to hearing amusing
anecdotes, from as many as four or
five family members, which fondly
encapsulated the character of the
deceased. This lady had lived to a
ripe, old age, and I found myself
wondering what small tidbits of her
life would be shared with us that
might accurately represent such a
significant span of life.
This time was different. There
would be only one speaker. It might
seem ironic to most people that our
single eulogist was the son-in-law
of the lady being so honored; not so
to those of us who know the family.
He is a foreign born gentleman, who
literally risked his life to escape his
native country, eventually settling
here. His command of English is
not perfect, and as such, he seemed
less than comfortable as he spoke.
Yet he was the chosen speaker.
This man’s family is as solid as
any that I have ever known. They
have weathered many challenges,
always remaining steadfast in their
faith and never failing to greet
everyone with a smile. To my way of
thinking, they epitomize American
exceptionalism, in that they work
hard, never complain, do what needs
to be done, and adhere to traditional
family values. They preach the
gospel, without using words.
These self-sufficient folks are
always among the first to offer a
hand in friendship, to give assistance
to someone in need, or to help out
with any of the congregation’s many
projects and ministries. Over the
years, my family has come to know
them and admire their character
and devotion to God.
He began by thanking family
and friends, often at great length.
Some he thanked for traveling long
distances; he thanked us all for
caring enough to be present. It soon
became clear that he wasn’t quite
sure what he needed to say, or how
to say it. His speech was peppered
with tangential remarks and clichés.
None of that mattered one bit.
The eulogy went on for several
minutes, and as he spoke, you could
tell that he loved his mother-in-
law as much as if she had been his
own mother. Remarkably, he did so
without mentioning her specifically
more than a few times. He spoke of
how grateful he was to belong to
her large, loving family. He spoke of
the time when he asked his wife’s
parents’ permission to ask for her
hand in marriage. Never once did
he make mention of his devotion
to them, and the many years during
which he cared for them. It was not
necessary for him to do so.
Instead, he felt the need to
include us in all the little things that
he appreciated about being a part of
the family. He wanted us to know
how much it meant to him. It just
seemed as though he was searching
for the right words.
Several times, he would refer
to his introduction to the family,
and to the changes that occurred
within the family over the years
and through the generations. He
also made frequent references to the
church, which was an integral part
of their family life. He made it clear
that he was also grateful to belong to
our church family, and that he was
impressed with the many ministries
of our church.
As he continued, I felt a little bit
uncomfortable for him, because I
realized that words would continue
to elude him, and we were unlikely
to hear the usual stuff of eulogies.
Still, his spirit never waxed, and he
pushed on with the speech. Before
too long, I finally realized that this
was as good a eulogy as any that I
have ever heard.
In between his ramblings, we
heard what he wanted to say. He
spoke of Sunday visits, family
beginnings, marriages, and new
arrivals. He spoke of picnic outings,
pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, and
other family traditions. Throughout
his eulogy, we heard him attempt the
impossible: He was trying to define
“
love”. Perhaps more surprising, he
managed to pull it off.
~Tim Ernandes
Discover Smith Mountain Lake |
www.discoversmithmountainlake.com
Discover Smith Mountain Lake | Winter 2012
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